Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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