the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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