That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
