i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
