YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
