Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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