got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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