i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I want her autograph on my taint
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
