redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
