she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
