you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
