Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
whose parrot is this?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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