he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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