an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
