i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
