So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
