I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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