I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
