I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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