So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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