Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You took a bar mat shot.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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