Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He? As in you personified your dick?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
