he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
