chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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