Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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