I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
