the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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