i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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