beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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