it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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