whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
