wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i now understand why vodka
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
