The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
