At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
