just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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