dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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