You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
