I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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