Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
