Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
