Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
