What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
