I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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