dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
