vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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