you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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