I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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