I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
