The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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