is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
