Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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