What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
