You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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