I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
