I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
apparently the secret to your success is patron
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
