Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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