if only i could text you this smell
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
