I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
