is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
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