I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you win again, gameday.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
