I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
