the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
