He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
