i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
