I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
