: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
false alarm, still single
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
