his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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