and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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