There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
