He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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