haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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