sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
