he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
