he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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