um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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